


I Can't Live Without You

by AryaWinchester



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Stucky Secret Santa 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 08:43:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9115432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AryaWinchester/pseuds/AryaWinchester
Summary: Post TWS. Bucky ends up staying with Steve and moving into The Avengers tower with him.For Stucky Secret Santa 2016





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Stucky Secret Santa 2016 anD ITS REALLY LATE IM SORRY!!! For @whothefuckyduckyisbucky on tumblr

It's dark by the time they get back to Steve’s apartment. Well, the floor of the Avengers tower he was given. They had been in the hospital for a week.

“Come in,” Steve holds the door open for Bucky. “There's an extra room across from mine.”

Bucky is quiet. He looks around the open living room and kitchen space. There is nothing here that looked like it belongs to Steve. It’s too cold.

“I, uh, haven’t used it much. I had another apartment, but you uh…” Steve rubs the back of his neck with his hand.

Bucky starts moving around the space, not too sure where to go. He’s already marked every possible exit.

Steve shows him to the spare room. It has nothing in it besides a bed, dresser, and mirror. Bucky doesn’t like it.

“This is just until we can get you an apartment of your own. I’ll talk to Tony tomorr-”

“No. Here is fine.” Bucky walks to the middle of the room and turns around. “I’ll stay with you.”

Steve smiles a bit. “Okay. Goodnight, Buck.” He closes the door.

“Thank you…” Bucky hesitates. He knows Steve can still hear him, “Steve.”

 

~~~

 

Weeks pass and things change.

People start slowly coming by, Bucky becomes a little less frightened, Steve smiles a little bit more.

Most days for Steve are spent going out on missions or working out. Bucky stays at home and tries to remember.

After he had dragged Steve out of the river, Bucky didn’t want to leave. The Winter Soldier part of his mind was telling him to run like hell. No assassin would stay in one place. But then there was the other part. The part that had told him to save the Captain. The part that told him to stay. So he stayed. He sat by the Captain and waited for help to arrive.

It eventually did. They had tried to arrest The Winter Soldier, but he refused to leave the Captain's side. He didn’t understand why. So they were taken to a hospital and treated until it was decided what to do.

After a few days, a large donation was given to the hospital and FBI by someone named Stark, the only catch being that Steve and Bucky were to be released when they were ready.

Now Bucky sits in the apartment and reads. Some woman named Natasha had brought printed articles about Captain America. There was a full feature in some magazine about The Howling Commandos. She had said the Smithsonian has an exhibit about them and she would take him and Steve sometime. She even brought a pamphlet for him to look through.

Bucky can only remember small things. Most of them about Steve. He knows they were good friends. Best friends. He remembers Sarah Rogers and the way she smelled. He knows that Steve had been small once, and got in multiple fights a week. He knows that there was a feeling for Steve that had been hidden deep down. He can’t describe the feeling though.

The nights are reserved for Steve and Bucky. They usually end up watching some show they’ve missed and eating takeout or something simple Steve can make. Bucky cherishes that time. He wants to remember everything about Steve. He wants to become Bucky again.

~~~

 

“Remember Peggy?”

Bucky looks up from the latest article Natasha brought him. It's a 50 year anniversary for Captain America from the seventies.

Steve turns to look at him from the stove. “Peggy Carter?”

“Did she, um, wear the lipstick? The red one.” Bucky lightly touches his lips, trying to remember anything else about the woman.

“Yeah, that Peggy.” Steve nods. “She’s still alive. I sometimes go see her.”

Bucky looks back down at the paper. “That's nice. You had a thing for her, right?”

Steve hums. “I go to see her sometimes. She has dementia and sometimes forgets me, but she always has something nice to say.”

They’re quiet for a bit, the only sound coming from Steve stirring the pasta on the stove. It's not until they’re seated on the couch that they talk again.

“Would you like to go see her sometime?”

Bucky doesn’t look up. “Who?” He knows who.

“Peggy.” Steve shifts his position and takes a bite of spaghetti.

“I…” Bucky shrugs, but he can feel his breath getting faster. “I don’t know. Not yet.”

Steve seems to feel his friend's discomfort. “I don’t want to pressure you or anything. It's just an idea.”

Bucky grabs the remote and turns on the tv. He doesn’t want to talk anymore. They fall into a comfortable silence.

 

~~~

 

“Hey fellas.”

It's a rare day that Steve's home. Sam and Natasha are at their door. Nat has another magazine for Bucky.

“Hey, come on in.” Steve closes the door behind them and walks to the kitchen. “Want a drink? We have water, beer, soda.”

“I’m good.” Natasha drops the magazine in front of Bucky.

“Sam?”

“I’ll have a water.” Sam responds.

Bucky calls over his shoulder, “Steve? Can you grab me a Coke?”   
“Sure thing, Buck.” The a glass and fills it with water for Sam, then grabs one of the glass bottles colas for Bucky.

Steve, Natasha, and Sam sit in the living room and talk. Bucky curls up in the chair, barely contributing to the conversation. They’re all used to this.

“I’m going to my room.” Bucky gets up suddenly and stalks across the apartment. Steve’s eyes follow him.

Once they hear his door shut, Natasha speaks up. “When are you going you tell him?”

“Tell him what?” Steve stares at the hallway for another second before switching his attention towards his friends.

Natasha smirks. “Okay. Guess not yet.”

“Tell him what?” Steve repeats. His brows furrow.

“Nothing. So, have you caught up on Doctor Who?”

“Don’t change the subject. Tell him what?”

Sam's phone bings. “Oh, gotta go. Sorry. It's Rhody. Something about my wings.”

Natasha gets up with him. “I should get going, too. Peppers away and I need to make sure Tony hasn’t set himself on fire again.”

Steve follows them to the door. “No, Nat. Natasha. What am I supposed to tell Bucky? What were you talking about?”

The woman ignores him, instead calling out a bye for Bucky. They say their farewells and leave Steve standing at the front door.

 

~~~

 

It's hard, seeing Peggy again.

Bucky sat in the corner while Steve explained to her everything that happened. He tried to leave out the painful stuff, but she could see right through the lies.

When he finally sits next to her to talk, Bucky can see the sadness in her eyes. She never stops holding his hand.

“Bucky… Your hair is long and…”

“I know Peggy.”

They talked for a bit before she started getting tired.

“Steve? Can you go get a nurse for me? Thank you, darling.”   
“Of course.” Steve started towards the door before pausing. “Will you be okay, Buck?”

“Mhm.”

Peggy watched Steve leave before talking again.

“I hope you know how happy he is. He missed you so much. Never let him go.”

Bucky’s eyebrows knit together. “Excuse me?”

Peggy just smiled and pat his hand. “Are you so blind as to not see it?”

“See what?”

Peggy goes quiet, staring out the window. Steve comes back with a nurse a couple minutes later.

They say goodbye, hugging her one at a time. Peggy pulls Bucky close and whispers, “He loves you. I hope you haven’t forgotten that.”

Bucky smiles and kisses her forehead.

 

~~~

 

“Alright, I’m thinking we can just use paper towel as plates, since I haven’t done the dishes yet. And we have some coke in the fridge.” Steve sets the pizza on the table and goes to the kitchen to grab the bottles.

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

Steve sits down on the other side of the couch, passing a cola to Bucky. “Of course. You can always ask me anything.”

“Do you ever get…” Bucky takes a swig from the bottle.

“Get what?”

He shakes his head. “Never mind. It's not important. Let's just watch… What are we watching?”

“Mr Selfridge. But what did you want to ask?” Steve puts down his coke bottle.

“Nothing. It's fine.” Bucky opens the pizza box and takes a slice.

Steve reaches out and touches Bucky's shoulder. He flinches.

“What were you going to say?”

Bucky sighs. “Nothing! I was just wondering if you felt it.”

“Felt what?”

“I don’t know!” Bucky yells this time. Steve pulls back, looking like he’s been slapped. They’re quiet. They know the whole floor probably heard them, which was actually just Sam, across the hall.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry.” Bucky’s quiet.

“Buck, it's okay.”

“It's just…” The dark haired man closes his eyes. “It's a feeling, deep down. I know I used to feel it all the time. I knew what it was. It went away for so long, though. When I forgot. It feels like warmth and comfort and… Something else.” He opens his eyes and looks over at Steve. He’s staring right at Bucky.

“It's when I look at you,” Bucky continues, “And it feels bright. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s…” The only word he can think of is in Russian. He doesn't even know how he knows the word. “ Я не мог у жить без теб я .”

“What… what does that mean?”

Bucky pulls his feet up onto the couch and tucks his knees under his chin. “It's the feeling. I don’t know what else to say. I can’t translate it.”

Steve nods. “Okay. That's okay. Do you want to watch anything?”

Bucky shakes his head and gets up. “No. I’m tired.”

Steve watches him go to his room. As soon as he hears the door click, he's at the front door and going to find Natasha.

 

~~~

 

“What did he say?”   
Steve is standing at Natashas door, a serious look on his face. “I don’t know. It sounded Russian so I came to you.”

“Well what did it sound like?”

“Um,” Steve racked his brain, trying to remember. “Ya knee magoo…”

“Oh, god. You’re butchering the language.” Natasha rubbed a hand over her face. “Was it Я не мог у жить без теб я ?”

“Yeah… Yeah I think so.” Steve licked his lips a bit. “He was talking about a- a feeling. He didn’t know how to describe it.”

Natasha smirked. “Go.”

“What?”

“You clueless boys. Go kiss him!”

“I don’t-” was all Steve could make out before the door slammed in his face.

“Have fun! Be safe!” Nat called from the other side.

 

~~~

 

Steve stood at another door, this time Bucky’s. He was about to knock when it opened.

Bucky was standing there, a scowl on his face and hair falling in front of it. “What?”

“I’m sorry if I did anything wrong. I went to talk to Nat, but she just told me to…”

Bucky's scowl grew deeper. “To what?”

To be fair, Steve trusted Natasha a lot more than his own instincts. “I’m sorry, Buck.” He put his hands on Bucky's face and moved forward.

Their lips pressed together. Bucky's eyes shot open and he pulled back.

“Wha-”

Steve takes a step back. “I’m so sorry. I don’t-”

Bucky steps towards him and raises a hand. Steve preps for a hit.

Instead, it goes around Steve's neck. He can feel the cold metal for only a second before he's getting pulled forward. His lips touch Bucky's again. It feels like warmth and comfort and something Steve can’t explain.

 

_ I can't live without you _

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought!
> 
> Read, Write, Love


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